


They Can't Stop All of Us

by midnightVision



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: 2019, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aperture Science, Area 51 Raid, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Meme, Portal - Freeform, Portal 2 - Freeform, area 51 raid AU, based off of an edit of the area 51 raid on instagram, shitpost, the characters look slightly different than canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 10:16:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20241211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightVision/pseuds/midnightVision
Summary: It's general knowledge that the successful Aperture Science Inc. was established in the late 80s, and has produced different types of products known to mankind. However, in the early 2000s, speculation arose when someone claims to say they tested for a very special product that hasn't been released yet.Now it's 2019, and the internet has finally broke. A Facebook event claims that people will raid Aperture Science, and the CEO sees this as an opportunity.





	1. Chapter 1

“What in God’s grace is this nonsense?”

  
Cave pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Caroline sat in a chair in frount of her boss’s desk and pulled up a page on Facebook. She flipped her tablet so that he could read it for himself. He leaned close to the screen, muttering the words, “Storm Aperture Laboratories, They Can’t Stop All of Us”.

  
Stunned, Cave’s eyes read the title over and over and over and over, still trying to make sense of it. He then leaned back in his soft chair, closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples. Caroline had already started tapping on her tablet again.

  
“It appears that over a million people are planning to come to the event, sir.” Her voice wavered ever so slightly, trying to keep calm at the sight of the number. The room was silent, save for the quiet taps Caroline made with her device. Cave sat up straight after a moment and sighed.

  
“So, let me get this straight. A million people, or less, whatever the case, wants to raid our facilities for no apparent reason?” Cave said. Caroline shook her head, gulping. The bun holding her hair up slightly loosened.

  
“No sir, they want to take ahold of our unreleased products,” She said, “Our technology. I don’t know how, but there might be an old test subject out there leaking information about the guns.”

  
Cave furrowed his brows and got up from his seat. He sauntered over to a window that overlooked the main lobby. A receptionist was at the desk, taking a call. The main elevator opened, revealing a panicked employee who dashed out as soon as the doors were wide enough for him to squeeze through. Cave chuckled and shook his head before turning his back to the window.

  
“If that’s the case, I guess there’s no stopping them. Open the doors like it’s black friday, I don’t care!” He laughed. Caroline put her tablet on the desk and stood up quickly.

  
“Cave! This is serious! These are unfinished, potentially unstable devices, and you're okay with people stealing them for their own benefit?” She had her arms wide open, flabbergasted at her boss. Cave sighed and walked over to Caroline. He put his hands on her shoulders, and she relaxed.

  
“Care, I don’t know what they’re putting in the water I’ve been drinking, but all I know is that I have a plan. Don’t worry.” He grinned and pointed at the tablet. “Now, tell me, when does the party start?”


	2. Chapter 2

September 20. It’s 9:30 PM, and a crowd of people from all over the world gathered in the forest by the entrance. Of course, not even close to a million people showed up, but it was still a large number. All of them hoped to get their grubby little hands on the alleged “portal gun”, made famous from a supposed test subject who claimed to have tested with it in the past. The crowd murmured, explaining what to do and where to go. 

“There’s only one building on the surface, three stories high, and a large elevator to access the lower parts of the lab. There’s two smaller elevators that lead to the upper floors,” One of them was explaining. Whoever this was, a former employee or test subject, who cared? At least there was someone to inform the crowd the layout of the facility.

After ten minutes, they split into three groups. Group Alpha was in charge of the surface building, rummaging through loose files that fell from their cabinets after the event of a rowdy office party. Group Beta was in charge of securing the building. They’ll line up around the building and secure the place just in case any employee decided to mess around with the participants.

And finally, Group Gamma, the smaller group that would travel underground to find the portal gun. Since it was considered after hours for the main building, some parts of the underground lab is off limits.

“No matter,” the mysterious person said, “All I know is that they usually keep the gun in one of the engineering rooms, and they’re always open.”

Everyone was instructed to go underground once they have found the portal gun, just to make sure everyone is safe. Then, they’ll leave the labs with a beautiful gun that could transport them anywhere their little hearts desired. Every group was equipped with a walkie-talkie by the employee/subject/whatever and absolutely nobody questioned it.

A rustling of leaves and branches startled the groups, until they realized it was just one of them. He hunched over to catch his breath.

“Coast is clear.”  
And they’re off! All groups charged, out of the forest and crossing the smooth, paved road. An officer was knocked up and tied up in the security booth, while the button for the gate was being pressed down by a brick. Everyone rushed into place, with the Beta group lining up around the building and Alpha rising up to the upper levels to find juicy bits of files.

The Gamma group gathered in the large elevator and awaited what came to them. Would any scientists defend their beautiful gun? Would they be arrested? A number of “what ifs” floated around the elevator until a satisfying  _ ding!  _ indicated their arrival. Gamma poured out of the elevator and started searching.

Empty. The whole facility had no activity. And while most of the group went absolutely buck wild after noticing this, some took caution. They knew there was a couple of cars in the parking lot, so maybe they’re all hiding. I mean, what could they expect from a couple of little scientists doing their experiments?

The raid went on for an hour. Group Alpha grew bored and informed Gamma that they’ll be there down there shortly. They claimed that the only files they could find were about funds and other boring shit they thought wasn’t important, so they wanted to help out with the search for the portal guns. Beta was just sitting down on the ground outside, talking to each other. Their words drifted off eventually and their eyes stared off into the night sky.

“WE GOT IT!”

Everyone in Beta turned their attention to the walkie talkie. Some parts of the announcement were a jumbled mess, but everyone knew that it was finally their time to get down to the facility. So they rushed, people stumbling over to the elevator, jamming as many people as they can into the little room.

They all ran to the source, into a large meeting room, and there it was; the beautiful gun in all of its glory. Everyone stopped. Everyone watched. Everyone basked in the glory that was Aperture Science’s magnum opus. Some even cried. The glossy exterior shined in their faces and gleamed like a light at the tunnel. And before one could even touch it, a smooth, robotic voice activated and said, “Intruder alert. Procedures for the lockdown: Start.”

  
The raiders panicked. One of them took the gun as the group started rushing out of the meeting room and towards the elevator. The whole group stopped short in their tracks, though, once they saw that the elevator was being blocked by scientists and other sorts of employees, all armed with pistols and guns and pointing them at the raiders.

“Lockdown complete,” The robotic voice announced. Then, a seemingly god-like, booming voice replaced the previous announcer.

“Greetings! I’m Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science. You may know me for buying out this old, dusty salt mine and providing you quality shower curtains and other products! The simple fact that you’re standing here means you’ve successfully infiltrated our laboratories and retrieved our beautiful portal gun. However, it seems that none of you kids realize the value of that expensive gun. Yes, they’re expensive. But no worries! We’ve been testing that baby for a long,  _ long _ time, and we’re not planning to mass produce until it’s good and damn ready. So… Who’s ready to make some science?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Yeah, I know this was dumb, but I did it on a whim because I saw an edit of the "Area 51 raid" page with "Aperture Science" instead of the former.  
I might make more "Modern Portal" fics, since I've actually grown attached to the AU during the writing process lmao
> 
> But I dunno! What do you think? :D  
Thanks for reading this dumb fanfic!


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